An Interview With Alfendi Layton
by awesomest99er
Summary: I'm the new person working at Radio Swoon in Dwight Dread's place. Today I'm interviewing Alfendi Layton, the best detective in Scotland Yard. (T is 'cause he has a gun. Ahem.)


Me: Hello everybody! Today we have the famous inspector Alfendi Layton, who investigated the death of Dwight Dread. Please, Alfendi, sit down.

Alfendi: *sits in the chair*

Me: I'm going to ask you a few questions, okay?

Alfendi: Okay.

Me: Okay. First question: What's your favorite color? If you want, both of you can answer 'cause you might have different favorite colors.

Alfendi: Hmm... I like olive-green. *hair turns red* My favorite color is blood-red... What else? *hair turns purple again*

Me: Makes sense. Next question... *looks at cards* Okay, what made you want to become a detective?

Alfendi: Well, as you know, my father is a professor at a university. And an inspector is very different from a professor, so that's one thing. Also, my true self went into the job. *hair turns red* Because of the murder! *hair turns purple* I just stayed in the job after the... incident.

Me: That's what you call it? The incident?

Alfendi: Mhm.

Me: Cool. Slightly creepy... But cool. Okay, next question. Do you like to have your hair in a ponytail, or do you just want to avoid going to the barber shop?

Alfendi: Odd question... I like it in a ponytail, though.

Me: Okay. Does anybody play with that curl on your head?

Alfendi: Nope. I don't like when people touch it.

Me: So, you'd go all Potty Prof on them if they do?

Alfendi: Maybe...

Me: Okay. *clears throat* Now, do you have a headache when you're about to change personalities?

Alfendi: Yes, actually. I have a headache most of the time... But not when I'm the one you call "Potty Prof." I still don't get the nick-names for my personalities...

Me: Cool. Do you like airplane rides?

Alfendi: That's another odd question, and very off topic. I'm indifferent. I don't exactly love them, really, but I don't hate them.

Me: What about when going up in the plane makes your ears pop?

Alfendi: Oh yes, I do hate that part.

Me: Me too. Next question. Okay, so, have you ever gone goth?

Alfendi: Nope. Now that I think about it, I've always worn blue. Strange...

Me: *puts one of the cards behind another* *coughs* Alright. Now, do you like to have conversations with yourself?

Alfendi: Good question. Yes, but in my head. If it was out loud, people would think I was insane.

Me: True. What is your relationship with your father? *silently prays that he won't kill me*

Alfendi: *hair turns red immediately* *awkward silence* ...Well, I don't talk to him that much. *shifts uncomfortably*

Me: And when you do?

Alfendi: *sighs* Well, that's very rare. I argue with him a lot.

Me: Back to the less awkward questions. Do you like reading books?

Alfendi: Yes. *hair is purple again*

Me: What kind of books?

Alfendi: Crime fiction.

Me: Oh. Right. Duh. *slaps forehead* Well, have you ever read _The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_?

Alfendi: *hair turns red* WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Me: Calm down... *grabs the chair arms nervously* I was just curious 'cause Lucy mentions it a lot.

Alfendi: *hair turns purple again* ...Oh. Sorry about that. I actually haven't read the book, but I know about it.

Me: Do you wanna hear a spoiler?

Alfendi: ...Sure...?

Me: Dr. Jekyll commits suicide at the end.

Alfendi: What?! Why?!

Me: Mr. Hyde was getting out of control, and he ran out of the potion that changes his personality.

Alfendi: {BLEEP!}

Me: Um, kids listen to this.

Alfendi: Oops. Sorry...

Me: Well, I think they got the bleep over it just in time. Did you? *looks at Randal, who is doing the sounds as usual* Oh, you did? Okay. That's good.

Alfendi: Phew.

Me: *sits up straighter* Next question. What's your favorite song?

Alfendi: Hmm... Macho Man (in White Gown) by Dolly Hollerday.

Me: *tries not to laugh*

Alfendi: What? Why are you laughing...? *tries to stay placid*

Me: *clears throat* Nothing. *smiles stupidly*

Alfendi: ...

Me: Oh right. *looks down at cards* If you could have any super power, what would it be?

Alfendi: Telekinesis. That would be interesting, don't you think?

Me: Yeah. Okay, next question!

Alfendi: Ask away.

Me: What's the most interesting case you've solved?

Alfendi: Definitely the one where Hilda and Justin accused me of murder!

Me: Good answer! I would find that interesting, too. How do you feel about your detective friend being a criminal?

Alfendi: *shrugs* He wasn't ever my real friend. I did work with him at first, but then Commissioner Barton separated us. He started acting... stranger. *hair turns red* And he thinks that _**I'm**_ the weird one!

Me: Crud muffins!

Alfendi: *hair turns purple* Crud muffins? *rubs chin*

Me: Yeah. Tim Hawkins. My friend likes to watch videos that guy makes. He's a Christian comedian. That was one with Christian curse words. There was stuff like turd, crud muffins, heavens to Betsy, for Pete's sake, {BLEEP!}... *clears throat* Any-who... *looks down at cards* Do you hate Mondays?

Alfendi: Who doesn't?

Me: Tarder Sauce, A.K.A. Grumpy Cat.

Alfendi: Who?

Me: Let me guess, you don't go on the internet a lot.

Alfendi: Nope.

Me: Well, Tarder Sauce is a cat who looks really annoyed. They make lots of pictures with him-I mean **_her_** saying grumpy things. Like "I like math. It makes people cry."

Alfendi: *snorts* Actually, I like math. It's not that hard.

Me: Like my friend! The one who likes to watch Tim Hawkins videos. She's also a fan of Mystery Room.

Alfendi: Cool.

Me: She does a freakin' Diane impression... but another friend of mine _**perfectly** _acts like Diane! It scares me to death!

Alfendi: Maybe you could show me sometime.

Me: Maybe. The friend who likes Tim Hawkins also does Ms. Potsby-Mahn and Lucy. But I can do an impression of you and Florence.

Alfendi: This is kind of getting creepy. Do you have any more questions? *pushes chair back a little*

Me: Oh. Um. Yeah. *laughs nervously* Last question! Do you like Lucy Baker in a romantic way? And do you like the name Lucy Layton?

Alfendi: *hair turns red* {BLEEP!} WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Me: *jumps up from chair* Calm down, dude!

Alfendi: DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! I'LL HAVE YOUR TONGUE FOR THAT!

Me: That's all the time we have for now! *ducks behind chair* Bye! *peeks from behind chair* Turn off the microphone, Randal!

Alfendi: Are you scared? COWARD! *gets up from chair*

Me: *hides under table* TURN OF THE MIC! TURN OFF THE MIC!

*incoherent noises*

Randal: Listeners, there's nothing to worry about. We've got the situation all under control-

Me: *screams louder than you would think possible* ALFENDI HAS A GUN!

Alfendi: Oh don't be so afraid, imbecile!

Randal: Um... *laughs nervously* This is just, a... i-it's an act. Yeah.

Me: RANDAL! GO TO COMMERCIALS!

*gunshots*

Me: Hallelujah, this shortness can be a blessing sometime... RANDAL! TURN OFF THE MIC!

_**Da da da da da... Radio Swoon!**_


End file.
